Should I Accept I’m Not Good Enough? | matalan

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Should I Accept I’m Not Good Enough?

I’ve quite recently cut contact with someone who i should never have gotten involved with. We had a sort of FWB type thing that ended up turning into an “affair”, i suppose you could call it. I say “affair” because he wasn’t married at the time.
We stopped sleeping together when he was no longer single but stayed in touch as friends, that’s what he called it anyway, but he started flirting and eventually we ended up sleeping together. I know it’s not an excuse but i had a lot of feelings for him, probably because he was the first guy i’d ever been with.
There’s a lot more to this but it would be too long to write it all. This unhealthy “relationship” has been going on since 2010. Yes, three years. I finally told him last year that i was done and i couldn’t do it anymore because he was with her. He asked if we could be friends in the future and i said that i’d have to think about it.
After that he removed me from Facebook and we didn’t speak for about 6 or 7 months. He did contact me once during that time via Facebook. He inboxed me and asked if i wanted to meet but i said no. Christmas day came around and he text me at 5am , which i thought was strange, saying merry christmas and some other stupid thing that i can’t remember. I just wished him a happy christmas and didn’t say anything else. He text me again on new years eve with a flirty text and calling me “cutie” which i ignored. A month or so i yet again get another text asking if i’d like to meet for a drink
which i didn’t respond to.
His last text was just over a month ago so i’m hoping that he’s maybe thought that texting me isn’t such a good idea. He’s getting married quite soon, i don’t know when but i do know that mutual friends are going. This has become a really bad obsession of mine. I keep checking friends Facebook profiles for info about it even though i though that it’s going to really, really hurt me.
I can’t stop obsessing about the girl he’s marrying and what she’s got that i haven’t. I know what i’m doing is unhealthy and i’m only hurting myself but i really don’t know how to stop. If i see any wedding pictures in the future i think this depression that i’m feeling will destroy me.

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3 Responses to “Should I Accept I’m Not Good Enough?”

  1. Sarra says:

    Honeyyyy, you are in such a hard predicament.. but you even said it for yourself, the relationship was UNHEALTHY. You deserve so much better than a cheater, in my opinion, scum. You need to move on, be the strong woman you know you are deep down, and find a man that is going to love and care for YOU, no one else. Its going to be hard, especially with the fact that you’ve fallen for this guy… but it will get better I promise you. You need to go out and mingle, once you start to give another guy all of your attention, you will forget all about this guy. Life goes on. I believe that we run into certain people in our lives in order to learn and grow. This guy is nothing but an obstacle in your path to finding Mr. Right.

  2. lincie says:

    Stop killing yourself with this. I understand he was your first true love or whatever you’d like to call it but you have to face the music that to him you are just some friend that’s a booty call away. I’m glad you cut all contact with him and now its time to rip him out of the book completely. Go out with friends and family, enjoy yourself and before u know it some guy will see you as more then the girl to call when I’m tired of my gf and wanna hit it and quit it.it will take time to get over things but the important thing to remember is that you are important and always have been. Think about it, this guys FIANCE wasn’t important enough or good enough to keep him from cheating. What makes u think you would be if u were in her shoes. Hes just a scumbag and u deserve better (: Hope this helps

  3. Sam says:

    Look you can carry on down this path you are heading and you wont be surprised to know it will destroy you, or you can put things into perspective. You had a great time with this guy but things were just not meant to be. You cannot sit there and tell me he was the only one for you when there are more than 3 BILLION guys in this world. I know you have a history together but that is all it is and all it ever should be now. Do yourself a huge favour and if you can, forget about him. I don’t mean forget the times you shared because that makes you the person you are, just forget there ever being a future with him. This should be the closure you desperately need (despite not believing it at this moment in time) One last point. You asked at the beginning were you good enough. I think perhaps you were TOO good for him. You deserve better and you deserve to be treated better too. My final advice to you is to contact him one last time. Tell him you wish him the very best in his new life with her, but under no circumstances can he ever contact you again. You CAN do this. Good luck EDIT:- Not being able to contact him to get the closure you need will make it harder but not impossible. You have to be strict with yourself and NOT look at what is going on with him on facebook. Honestly, life is too damn short to waste it on a person who isn’t right for you. You may not understand that now but when you DO meet the right person I swear, you will.